Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
