Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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