They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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