Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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