im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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