I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
