Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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