He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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