apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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