I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You made out with two different species that night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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