its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize