His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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