i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize