just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
