these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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