thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
