She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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