My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
