he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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