her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
