I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
