i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
