did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
