I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize