??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
