mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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