TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
