Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
