I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
