covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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