Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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