I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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