his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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