i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
