if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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