it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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