Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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