On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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