uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
