Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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