Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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