your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my shit smells like andre
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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