You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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