Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
