his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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