i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
