I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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