I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize