I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize