I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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