Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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