Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
