He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
