If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize