I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Everything about him screamed your future.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its liver damage thursday
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
