Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
