thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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