Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
