Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm going to jail i love you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
