So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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