i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just crazy horny about you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
