Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
