...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
