She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
