soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
