so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
