My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
