You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
