Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
