I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
