Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
