that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
