If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
