Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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