still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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