She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
